Limsy's Life

So, i read this post and omg, it brought back EVERY thing i felt 8 months ago when i ended my relationship. And everything the lovely Gabby wrote above, i felt and STILL feel. How does it work out for some people and not work out for others? How do some people find love so easily, while others struggle? It feels so unfair sometimes.

And like … if i had gotten it right the first time, would i be engaged now? Or at least in a secure relationship that would have led to an engagement eventually? To be honest, i’m REALLY scared to try again. i mean, i can’t take investing all my time into a relationship, only to have it fail like it did the first time. i’m not scared of commitment; in fact, i want it so badly that I’m talking myself out of taking chances on things that might not work out. 

i think though, the thing i need the most is friendship. Doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl, it feels GOOD to have someone to chill with and to tease and to laugh about really silly things with and to know that you’re just having FUN with each other. And not like, in danger of breaking off your friendship because someone’s going to fall for the other, etc. etc. 

i’m literally praying begging God to bless me with friendship right now. Because i think that’s what i need. Fortunately, He knows me far better than i know myself, so y’know, i’ll be okay. i just know it. 

Why is living at home so hard? It really is. 

I think I’m struggling with trusting my parents … 

It’s been so hard to glorify God in my everyday walk lately. I find myself struggling with mundane tasks and beaten down by the smallest of things. I feel as if discouragement follows me and I can’t seem to shake off the disappointment I have in my performance. I’m miserable some days and happy others, but I can’t seem to feel as if God is calling me to something else. But then again, I’m to be content with what God has blessed me with. So what’s wrong with me?? Why am I so dissatisfied? Why does it feel like EVERY single term, I’m disappointing God in some way. Ugh, I need to cleanse my mind and heal my soul.

I’m plum exhausted! It’s been a tough two months but I feel as if I’ve FINALLY found a firm that embraces me and my awkwardness haha! I’ve never had so much fun at a party before and the best part is… I felt no need to dress provocatively OR to drink myself under the table. It was a night full of giddiness, that’s for sure! And it might have been at the expense of certain others who felt no need to hold back. :P

In any case, I think in going to start bogging full time again. I have a bit more time now, so other than driving (which I’ll get to eventually), I should have time to write a post or two! I stopped blogging consistently three to four years ago because I wanted to live life in a non virtual way… which doesn’t exactly happen when you’re obsessed with your own blog and constantly thinking about your next post. But I’ve kept up with my reading, and it sure is fun to read a well written blog! So maybe I’ll start blogging again for the joy that it brings (oohhh, a well crafted sentence that is ALSO witty can be a powerful thing) and because it’s a good way to document my twenties. I’m not getting any younger, you know!

In any case, I’ve been blessed by God and it’s been wonderful so far. Coming back to Ottawa has been the best decision that I’ve made thus far (other than breaking up with my ex, I suppose, as harsh as that may sound, because we sure milked our run for all it was worth), and I think I’ve grown a lot in the past four months. In any case, I’ve figure out what I want and what I need.

I’m still boy crazy though… WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME????

Lovelies, it’s absolutely time to embrace life and live it to the fullest, as happy as you can be? I think I may finally be motivated… :)

It’s been a couple weeks of really emotional highs and lows. I guess the stress is getting to me, since I find myself being bowled over by the smallest of things. It feels like when you finally sort out ONE thing, something else falls apart. So while I finally got my head wrapped around my break up, my family starts to fall apart. But I still feel blessed. So blessed that I still have relationship with God. I just have to convince myself that everything will be okay and that I can handle it. And even if I can’t, that it’s okay to fall.

I am being humbled everyday.